From: "D.C. Kavouras (by way of Rev. Eric J. Stefanski, )" To: Subject: CLIMB: Death Is My Business Date: Friday, November 02, 2001 12:54 PM A police and fire chaplain looks at death. The question has been asked many times, how do I talk about death to survivors or to those who's own death is near? As a police and fire department chaplain death is my business, too often violent and sudden death. As such I talk to people about life's end all the time. Not as theory in a classroom, but for real in emergency rooms, living rooms and on the grimy streets of the cold city. Few subjects have been as badly bludgeoned by our Christless culture as death and the language surrounding it. Much of the foolisness has found its way even into the church, diminishing our hope and abridging our proclamation. Often we err on the side of saying too little about death. There is an assumed rule today, that we shouldn't try to comfort fellow Christians by quoting bible verses or by telling them that their loved one is in heaven. But I disagree. There is nothing more powerful when confronting death than well selected verses of Scripture, spoken at the right time and delivered in a gentle, yet re-assuring tone of voice. Recently I remember consoling a man whose brother had died unexpectedely with the words of Jesus to Mary and Martha "your brother shall live again". If we can't use the Word of God when someone dies, when can we use it? Death is what Christianity is all about. Saving faith has salutary effects during earthly life, but everlasting life in heaven is our goal. As St. Paul wrote in 1 Cor 15:19 "if only in this life we have hope in Christ, than we are to be more pitied than all men." Sometimes we make the mistake of saying too much. Don't be afraid of silence for truly, it is golden. Many times as a chaplain I've approached the grieving family at a scene, respectfully introduced myself and asked "may I wait with you for a while", and then silently stayed with them for longer or shorter periods of time. Eventually opportunity always arises to put the event into a Christian context and thereby give effective comfort to otherwise inconsolable people. It is better to be silent than trite! Several months after a couple had buried their three year old daughter who died suddenly, I met with them. They said that if one more person would have told them "God must have wanted another little angel in heaven" they would have gone stark raving mad. As a rule it's also good to talk about death frankly, while at the same time remaining respectful. A couple whose adult son had committed suicide said they especially enjoyed our visits together because I used his name in their presence while no one else would. I've always thought it important when talking about death that Christians avoid euphemisms such as "before your dad passed away" or "since she's been gone". At times of impending, sudden or tragic death most people will appreciate and trust someone who is not overly delicate with them. They don 't necessarily need to hear gory details (though some do), but they do want to know the truth. I've found that using words like died rather than passed away helps people to better accept and better process the truth of what has happened. And finally, if you hope to be of solace to people who have lost a dear one in death, you must first be crystal clear in your own mind regarding the Christian theology of death. First, that death is in the world because of sin, and all have sinned. Secondly, that while the wages of sin is death, the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. By His death He has overcome death for us and by His resurrection has opened the graves of all who put their trust in Him. Third, that through Christ we can expect to leave our graves and partake in eternal and heavenly glory with our Lord Himself and with all those who call on Him to save. Fourth, that the Lord our God will lead, guide, comfort and strengthen those who grieve and that by His grace, our days of sorrow will end. Rev. Dean Kavouras Cleveland, Ohio action@multiverse.com + + + Confessional Lutherans in Missionary Boldness + + + The CLIMB e-letter brings you unedited, uncut reports directly from the mission field, whether in South America, Africa, Europe, inner-city, rural, or collegiate America, or military installations and battle sites around the world. 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